There is a saying that one of my favorite authors uses whenever she is getting into a tizzy about someone else's problems:
"Not my circus, not my monkeys."
Dennis and I have taken to saying this to each other when we get worked up about someone else's way of doing ministry. The idea is that, no matter how overwhelming the problem, or how frustrating someone else's shortcomings are, it's not our problem to solve. After all, our circus is pretty big and our monkeys are crazy enough to keep us busy without trying to start training someone else's monkeys.
But then I get to thinking....those poor monkeys. It's not their fault that the ringleader has issues. Doesn't someone need to step in and make things right? Or more accurately, what I tend to want to do is get in that circus ring and be dysfunctional alongside them without really fixing anything.
We are in a season right now where everything is almost working out. Almost. It's so freaking frustrating. If everyone else would just get their monkeys straight, we could stay here long term. At least that's what it feels like. Hmmm... I wonder who might be saying that about me? Anyways, that's what this season is about, anyway. Getting our circus in order. We're not supposed to fix anyone else right now, we're supposed to be learning about ourselves and what we're called to do. And, man, have I learned a lot about myself.
I have learned:
1.) I am called to ministry outside the home, no doubt about it.
2.) Dennis and I will always be called, first and foremost, to our home because no one else is going to do that job.
3.) I get frustrated because I feel like I'm not given the respect or authority I deserve due to the fact I am a woman, but I'm also so insecure that I typically shrink back the second that I am questioned, which compounds my original problem.
Today has been a frustrating day. No new problems, I'm just letting all of the usual stuff get to me more. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as I need to process my situation, it's just not a fun thing. Especially when I have keep up with all of the everyday stuff at the same time.