There was a time when I didn't like what I saw in my reflection. Like, really didn't like it. I avoided mirrors as much as possible. I probably had stuff in my teeth all of the time, or smudges on my face. I thought that it was because I was aging too fast. I thought that my body had betrayed me a little more after each pregnancy.
I'm in a really different place in life now, and you know what? I still look the same, but I like what I see in the mirror now. It turns out that it wasn't the physical reflection that disturbed me, it was the person I was looking at. I wonder how many women fixate on their physical appearance when it's really a whole different issue they're dealing with. I've always heard that as soon as you fix one problem, you'll just start to fixate on another one. Maybe it's because the "problem" isn't the real problem.
For me, I didn't recognize the woman I had become. It's getting to be a cliche, but I was a tired, grumpy, forgetful mom with little rugrats all around her ankles. I didn't feel useful to the world. Now, thanks to some major life changes, and a wonderful husband who was willing to give me some breaks, I feel like the creation I was made to be. I'm proud to tell people about my life and my family.
Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with my self worth sometimes. I feel like maybe we all do? Don't we all dance that funny dance back and forth between self loathing and thinking the world owes us a favor just for existing in all of our awesomeness? Most every honest, self aware person I know has admitted to being this way.
I'm fortunate in that my life has always been good. I have a wonderful family and have never gone hungry. Some seasons did not feel like a good fit for me, but I'm definitely thankful for what I gained from each one. This season does feel like a good fit, although a temporary one. I'm trying not to be anxious about what comes next, but of course it doesn't come naturally.