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Monday, April 1, 2013

"But my brain is dying!"

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These are the words that have been running through my mind lately. Many of you don't know this about me, but I used to know stuff. I got a hefty college scholarship. I read books for fun, watched the news, and had intelligent conversations. Even after having one child, I still had time to feed my appetite for learning. Now, we have two children (with two on the way), I have a husband who works and goes to school full time(ish), and I don't have time between handling the day to day needs of my family and meeting my own basic needs (like sleeping and eating) to spend much time tending to my "dying brain." I find that, those few times a week that I "crash" and can no longer be productive, my brain is definitely not interested in reading classic literature, honing a new skill or catching up on what my favorite authors have been up to lately.

Yes, you can call me whiny. I recognize that. I do have a point, I promise.

You see, I think I have fallen into a common trap. As a wife and mother, I feel guilty when I do these things, when I have "me-time." After all, my family needs me to provide food to eat, clean clothes to wear, and a decently clean place to live. My children also need to be taught (by example) what it means to be a well rounded individual. My husband deserves a wife who stays interesting and has something to talk about than her to-do list or what's for dinner tonight. I want to teach my children to love learning, to be excited by life, and to never stop growing. Lately, I haven't been a good example of any of these things.

As a stay at home mom, this is a particularly easy trap to fall into because we don't have the natural community or mental challenge that many careers offer. Even when I worked simple jobs like waitressing or secretary work, I felt less isolated and more mentally stretched than I do now. I mean, you can only cook, clean, and hang out with babies so many days in a row before you start to lose your ability to function in a "grown up world."

Still, I think we can all relate to this problem, whether we are parents or working or not.

So, I resolve to resuscitate my poor brain, for the good of my kids and husband. Having a hot dinner on the table or getting the laundry folded before it wrinkles will no longer take precedence over me studying the things I'm passionate about and investing in goals that I want to pursue. Hopefully, you'll be hearing from me more on here, although I'm not making any promises. I do see this blog as something that helps me focus on my goals and helps me build community, so it is a useful tool as I start this journey.

I have a lot of plans in mind. I'd like to study up on working from home, and this is something I've been interested in for quite some time. I also want to study a few languages and brush up on my current events knowledge. I have ordered a few books about Ethiopian history and orphan ministry there. I'm excited to learn more about the country that is becoming more dear to me.

Sorry, kids, dinner's going to be late tonight. Mom's got to study up on her Chinese! It's for your own good! :)

this post was shared at titus2tuesday

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