15 minutes on why I hope my kids never have to go on a mission trip (part 2)

On Thursday, I wrote about how I hope my kids never have to go on a mission trip, but that's not entirely true. Mission trips are about more than seeing poverty up close. They can be about experiencing a different culture and helping to meet a need.

My best young adult experiences were on mission trips. I learned a lot, met some fascinating people, and was able to share the gospel a few times. I think we just need to change our mindset about these things. I suggest that we start using different terminology.

Instead of calling it a mission trip, I think it should be called a "ministry exchange". The term mission trip carries with it the connotation that one group of people is going to take the gospel or do a service for another group of people. The thing is, I would bet you money that the gospel is already there in the form of a local minister and the money we spend on taking the trip would more than cover the cost of hiring a local to do the job. (This would also create jobs and boost the economy in that area.)

The truth is, most of us don't really have the skills to be all that useful in the environment we are going to. One exception would be teaching English in a foreign country. As a native speaker, we are already qualified to be a huge help in that area. Also, being a source of relief or encouragement for ministers living in the area is a huge deal. I can say that from experience.

So, now that we've established that most of us, save those in the medical or construction type business, are mostly useful because we have the money and free time to go. Does that mean we should just send money and never go?

No, and that is where the ministry exchange comes in. Teams go to provide a service and hopefully open doors for the gospel to be shared, but anyone who has ever served the less fortunate in any capacity can tell you that it is greatly rewarding. We are challenged and grown as people. The more you see, the more types of people you encounter, the better off you are.

When people talk about sweatshop labor, I think of the factories I passed in China, with strong chemical smells and clanging going on late into the night.

When people talk about immigration issues, I think about the Mexican men I met in Georgia who were thrilled to live 12 guys to a singlewide trailer, working in the fields all day so they could send money home to their families.

When people talk about government assistance, I think about the children I worked with in Hattiesburg who would have literally died if their families didn't have access to food stamps and health care.

When people talk about orphan care, I think about the children in Haiti who were so precious and longed for someone to hold them and tell them they were special. We didn't speak the same language, but I know they wanted someplace to call home and some people to call family.

I may not have had much of an affect in these places, but they sure affected me in a lifelong way. I shop and approach politics much differently than I would have if I hadn't seen these things. I'm also more inclined to give to ministries in these areas.

That's why I think a more accurate term would be ministry exchange - because we take what we have to offer, and we come home with a whole lot more. Also, we certainly should never approach such a trip with a savior complex.

We need these amazing people to open up their lives to us way more than they need us to give them some clothes or work on their buildings.

15 minutes on remembering that it gets better

Dennis has been working a camp all week, which means I've been sole caregiver for the kids the past week.

I feel like a black hole of death that got hit by a mac truck.

He's exhausted and I'm exhausted and we each just need some relief. Of course, the kids are all wonky from Dad being gone, so it'll take a few weeks to recover.

Welcome to summer in the life of a youth ministry family.

I have to confess, I already wrote one post, and then I deleted it. None of us need that kind of negativity in our lives.

Instead, I'm going to use my remaining 12 minutes reminding us all that it gets better.

You see, we're going to walk around like bleary eyed zombies for a few more days (tomorrow is Sunday, after all). Then, we'll start to get back into our routine.

We'll both start to remember that we chose this life, and it's a good one. This isn't heaven, and there will always be obstacles to overcome, but we have a generally enviable life. A good marriage, a good church community, and kids that we actually enjoy being around 95% of the time.

I have a good husband. Even though he's dog tired, he offered to take the kids for a while so I could get out of the house. Of course, I'm too brain dead to know what I'm supposed to do once I leave the house sans kids, but it's the thought that counts.

I'm thankful that I actually want to have my husband around. We make a pretty good team, and I can't wait until the kids get old enough that we are all able to participate in ministry.

Do you see what I did there? I started out all whiny and making you feel sorry for me, but now you are probably either jealous of me or see me as a spoiled little baby.

It's all about perspective. You should try it. Take 15 minutes. Spend the first 5 complaining and the next ten being thankful. You'll feel a whole lot better at the end. Promise.

15 minutes on why I hope my kids never have to go on a mission trip

I've already written about how the book "Wrecked" is, well, kind of wrecking me. If I had to sum up the first half of the book in one sentence, I would say that the author, Jeff Goins, is trying to persuade his readers to believe that seeing real poverty and need in the world is how we are made truly alive. We live in such a whitewashed culture that we are always sliding towards a state of ungrateful, unfeeling consumption. At least once in our lifetime, we need to see what real need looks like.

Last night, my family went to a block party put on by a mission camp that is in town. They intentionally hosted it in a part of town that has a high rate of poverty. I was intrigued as I watched the interactions. I compared the way my kids played and conversed with others, as opposed to the older campgoers and their chaperones.

Izzy and Korban jumped right in and introduced themselves to the other children. They seemed unfazed by the dress, rough manners and sometimes  strong smell of these children.

Poverty has a specific smell, you know.

The older folks, well, they had a harder time making friends. Interactions were a little awkward as they tried to find common ground and make conversation. Since I wasn't wearing a camp t-shirt, a few of them approached me wanting to, uh, minister to me. I guess that's the term. Their voices were sticky sweet and they had a little fear in their eyes. I appreciated them for trying. I loved them like I loved that woman yesterday who scolded me.

That's when it occurred to me, I don't want my kids to have to pay $400 to go spend a week seeing what poverty looks like. I don't want them to get past this innocent, easily blended age and remain isolated in their privileged microcosm. I want them to live next door to it. To make friends with it. To love it.

I want to do life with the people and their pain and their hurt and their need all blended in with us.

I want to pay $400 for my kids to get a break from it all once in a while!

When we were loading up the kids in the minivan to drive home, I noticed they smelled like poverty. I held them close and breathed a prayer of thankfulness that my kids brushed up close enough to get the smell on them.

Today, my prayer is that I'll do the same.

15 minutes on sharing the gospel

I was scolded by a lady at the park today for not sharing Jesus with her.

She was a little on the shortish side, African American, and had two gold front teeth. One had a star shape cut out of it, and the other had a heart. Her only companion was a short dog named Charlie Brown. He looked like he had some Chihuahua in him. Oh yes, and she was wearing a long skirt. I think that's what did it. You see, I also was wearing a long skirt and my hair was up in a bun. South Louisiana summertime makes me dress like a prairie girl.

I immediately loved this woman, and I truly believe she loved me, too. I don't think she approached me with a judgmental attitude, but one of sincere love and concern for people. It is a genuine conviction of hers that we should never pass up a chance to share Heaven with someone.  She must have recited 20 Bible verses to me in our brief encounter. I was inspired by her passion.

The thing is, a few years ago, I would have been both offended and put off by her approach. I wasn't too sure how I felt about Jesus, and I doubted the sincerity of anyone who tried to win people over to their side and add another badge to their Jesus club belt. Fortunately, this was a short leg of my journey, and I now understand that while some have selfish motivations for sharing the gospel, others are truly genuine, even though often misguided.

I know our culture is an increasingly post-Christian one. Of the growing number of people that do not claim faith in Christ, more and more of them count as de-churched instead of un-churched, meaning that they somehow got jaded along the way. They've heard about Jesus, but they've seen him misrepresented so much that they don't really know who he is. Traditional ministry just won't get through to them. I know that this pains God's heart. I feel drawn to these people. They need to see our faith lived out before they hear about it.

Does this mean that a more direct approach is outdated or wrong? I don't think so. As I walk this long road of redemption, I learn more and more that this world is full of diversity. Each person has different needs that match up with another person's abilities or resources.

God is a mystery, and he's a personal shepherd. Who am I to decide how he gets to use someone else? Then again, who am I to decide how he gets to use me? I pray that I am constantly being challenged and inspired by strangers and friends alike to examine my faith, share it, and run with abandon this race marked out for me.

15 minutes on The dark side of modesty

I grew up in the church culture. To be even more specific, my denomination was extremely conservative. I wasn't allowed to wear slacks to church for years, it had to be a skirt or a dress. If you had to get up in the middle of a service to go to the bathroom, it had better have been one heck of an emergency. Whatever you do, you must sit in utter and total silence in church, lest you distract your fellow worshippers from their holy thoughts of where they were going for lunch once the service was over.

Okay, I'm being facetious now. I really need to start using a special font for my facetious voice.

Anyway, I have heard my generation of church goers, specifically youth groupies, referred to as the "True Love Waits" generation. We had it nailed into our brains year in and year out that sex was a thing for marriage only and that "modest is hottest". I still totally believe that we were designed for monogamous sex within marriage, and that modesty is an important thing to instill in young girls. I also think, though, that if you use bad tactics, fear-mongering, for example, when teaching your young girls to dress modestly, you are setting them up for just as much lifelong damage as if you sent them out on a street corner in fishnets and high heels. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the point.

As my generation of "True love waiters" reaches adulthood and starts families, I think that there is going to be some backlash. It is one thing to teach a girl that modesty is respectable and helps to deter creeps. It's also acceptable, in my opinion to gently explain to girls that guys love female bodies and it's easiest for everyone if we don't let it all hang out.

It is not, in my opinion, ever, ever, remotely acceptable to instill in young girls' minds that guys are "just like that" and there is nothing they can do about it. If they see a scantily clad young girl, they can't help but imagine having sex with her. I was literally fed the idea that, if a girl is dressed immodestly and a guy gets aroused, it's her fault.

What. The. Heck.

Let's think that logic through for a few minutes, why don't we? That would explain why girls get blamed for their own rapes. That would also explain why so many "good church girls", myself included, struggle so much with physical self esteem. For years, I was literally afraid of looking too nice, lest I cause some nice church boy to stumble, which would, of course, be all my fault and he would be and innocent victim.

Now, lets carry that over into marriage. If males can't help themselves around beautiful women, then every married woman needs to feel that her marriage is in danger whenever a beautiful woman is nearby.

I think that some things really came together for me when I was at the zoo last summer and I saw some Muslim women walking around with their families, in the heat of a South Louisiana summer, wearing clothing that covered all of the skin on their bodies except for their hands and faces. First of all, they looked oppressively hot, and not in a sexy way, but in a sweaty miserable heat stroke way. Second of all, ok, so their husbands couldn't see their skin, but they could see all the other women walking around the zoo that day.

I realized that, even if I'm dressed like a modest frump dog, chances every third girl I pass is not going to have been so "considerate". My efforts really aren't helping anyone out all that much, they are just making me feel less feminine.

Do I think that modesty is important? Absolutely. Men and women both have to make an effort to be sexually pure. Also, pornography addiction is rampant, and I want to protect myself from being seen as an object. Also, propriety is a thing.

In summation, I just don't think that I, or any other young woman, should have to feel like it is her responsibility to protect a man's sexual purity. I also think that this fear mongering causes trust issues in marriages when girls are raised to believe that all men are uncontrollable sex machines. Lastly, a women should never be forbidden to make herself feel beautiful because of what a man might think, especially when that man is more than likely going to see 25 thousand other scantily clad women a day.

15 minutes is so not long enough to hash this topic out...but I hope I made my point clearly enough. Also, full disclosure, this one took 25 minutes. You can dock my pay.

15 minutes on "The gospel is not a diet pill"

I think we are all well aware that there is always, and will always be, a new "magic" pill, or drink, or cookie or whatever, that claims to give us the body we've always dreamed of without us making any kind of lifestyle changes.

I helped teach at our church's VBS today, and it occurred to me, as I heard the classic gospel presentation for the third time in three hours, that we may be inadvertently giving our children the idea that praying a prayer is the magic spell that will get us into heaven and make our lives suddenly meaningful and better and stuff.

I'm aware that there is no way to adequately discuss this topic, especially in the 15 minutes that I have to write, but bear with me as I hash this out.

Don't get me wrong, the gospel does, ultimately, boil down to Christ and whether or not you believe that he lived a perfect life, died for our sins, and rose again. Yes, that is what the gospel is, but...

don't you think that we cheapen it when we reduce it to a formula to get us into heaven? Or a magic sentence that decides whether you are in or out of the club?

Just like a person who pops a pill to achieve her ideal weight but never changes her lifestyle, a Christian who has had the kingdom of God oversimplified to a "get our of Hell free" prayer is really going to miss out.

If you rely on some potion to get thin but eat junk and lay around all day, you will never feel the energy and mental clarity of  person who lives a healthy lifestyle. If you reduce health to a number on a scale, you miss out on what real health is.

If you pray a prayer without really understanding what the kingdom of God is, you'll likely end up jaded and, if you don't receive some really good discipleship after that, you just won't understand the true beauty of Christ's teaching and just how much freedom he really offers in this life. Your potential will be stifled

Please don't misplace the blame onto well meaning churches, though. Yes, there is no doubt that we could do a better job teaching our kids (and adults) what it means to see "God's kingdom come", but I think that blaming VBS for not teaching kids enough about the kingdom of God would be like being upset that Sunday School doesn't get you a seminary education.

No, I think that the responsibility for true, adequate discipleship, in the case of our children, falls squarely on the shoulders of us parents. How will our kids know that caring for the least of these is caring for Christ himself if we don't show them that? How will they know that every relationship, every life decision, every hobby is a chance to live in allegiance to God's kingdom unless we show them?

How will they know that the Bible says a heck of a lot more than "admit, believe, confess" unless we teach them scripture every blessed day that we have them in our care?